


Not Enough

by datleggy



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Team as Family, Tumblr Prompt, athenas a momma bear, buck deserves nice things, bucks real dad is trash, dosed s2 ep6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 07:50:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21424747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datleggy/pseuds/datleggy
Summary: I saw a post- I can't remember where, though, sorry -about the dosed episode and how Bobby hallucinated his daughter and what if Buck had hallucinated something from his past (maybe something not so good?) too and I was just wondering if, whenever you get the chance, you could maybe write a fic based on this, please? (and I know that half the team was drugged along w him, but maybe after they've all sobered, there's some Fire Fam feels and comfort?) absolutely no worries if not! have a good day!
Relationships: Buck & firefam, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash
Comments: 23
Kudos: 638





	Not Enough

Buck is in handcuffs, inside the back of a police car, by himself.

Hen and Eddie had been put into the back of another squad car and driven to the hospital already, but there hadn’t been enough room for all three, so Buck is still waiting. 

The cop in charge of driving him to the hospital decides to stop to get something to eat. “Here, I’ll leave the window cracked, kid.” he says, after parking his vehicle. “You’re high as a kite, you won’t remember any of this.” he mutters, more to himself than at Buck, before leaving. 

Buck’s not sure how long ago now that was, because time feels as though it is standing still. The cuffs around his wrists behind his back don’t even feel all that uncomfortable though. He does wish he was back at the beauty pageant with Hen and Eddie; it was colorful and bright and loud. 

Here, in the back of the car, there’s nothing to do and nothing to see, and Buck’s drug-induced mind has time to wander, and that’s not always such a good thing. 

Buck starts to think about Captain Nash, and wonders how he could possibly be dealing with being this high out of his mind right now. He hopes he’s doing alright; Buck knows drugs are a very sore subject for Bobby. He shakes his head, the man is a rock, he’ll be fine, he has to believe that. 

Bobby isn’t anything like his biological father. 

Buck quickly shakes off that thought---it’s been years since he even let himself think about that man. For good reason. 

He closes his eyes and tries to distract himself with other things. It’s not like he’s never been high like this before--when he’d bar tended he’d tried molly a couple of times--but he’d never gotten as high as he feels right this moment. If it weren’t for the roof on this car he’d have floated away by now, he thinks. 

_ “Always knew you’d end up like your daddy.”  _

Buck jolts upright at that familiar voice. He looks to his left then to his right, behind him, but no one is there. As if materializing out of thin air, his father’s suddenly sitting right next to him, wearing a shiny metal pair of cuffs to match his. 

Buck can’t breathe. Why is he here? Why the fuck is he here? How? 

_ “Look atcha’. What? No hi for your old man?”  _

Buck looks away, trying to focus on breathing in and out, in and out. This isn’t real. He’s  _ high _ . This is not real. 

Except that the hand that grabs his chin and forces him to look up--that’s fucking real.  _ “Listen to me when I’m talkin’ to you, boy.”  _ his father was never a man one could ignore. Not without consequences. 

“Y-you’re not here.” Buck manages to stutter out, sounding unsure.

_ “Evan I always knew you’d disappoint me. No matter what you did, you were just no good. Too loud in class, always fuckin’ jabbering like you had somethin’ to say that anyone worth a damn was willing to hear.”  _ his father sneers.  _ “Too stupid to learn anything--not like your sister Maddie. Why couldn’t you just be more like her, huh? Why’d you hafta’ make me so goddamn mad all the time?”  _

Buck gulps. “I’m sorry.” He can feel the pinprick of heated embarrassment, crawling up his spine, making the back of his neck hot.

_ "Sorry? You're sorry? You think that makes this all better? Your half assed apology doesn't change the fact that you're nothing but a screw up."  _

"I'm--I'm not. Not anymore. I'm a firefighter. I  _ help _ people." Buck insists fervently. 

_ "You're an idiot. You've always been one, you're always gonna be one. You're not helping anyone. I bet you're just in the way. Plus, look at you. In the back of a patrol car. It's pretty much where I figured someone with your lack a brains would end up."  _

"No. It's not like that." Buck inches away, but there's nowhere to go. 

_ "You're the reason I'm rotting away in some prison upstate right now. You're the reason our family got separated! You do nothing but cause trouble, there's no fucking way you're helping anybody, Evan."  _

"Th-that's n-not my fault." Buck huddles into himself as much as he can. "You're the one who h-hit me." 

_ "You needed some  _ sense _ knocked into you!"  _ His father screams, face turning that awful shade of red Buck remembers all too well. He knows what's coming next but he's cuffed, so he can't even hold his arms up to protect his head. His mom had taught him to do that, so that the teachers wouldn't notice any bruising on his face. 

" _ Please _ . I'm sorry." Buck tenses up, getting ready for the blow. But it doesn't come. 

"Buck? What in the hell." 

Buck flinches, his back hitting the car door, but it's only Athena. He looks around, hesitant, but his father is nowhere to be seen. 

"Goddamn it." Athena curses. "Did that sonofabitch really leave you out here to go get  _ lunch _ ?" She looks pissed. 

Buck presses himself against the door, impossibly close. 

Athena stops her tirade for a moment to really take a look at Buck. "Hey, you doing alright?" He'd seemed perfectly content at the pageant, especially compared to Hen and Eddie. But now, he's shaking, a faint but noticeable tremor running right through him. 

"A-are you mad at me?" 

Athena blinks, surprised. "What? No, of course not. Buck, this isn't your fault. It's officer Frank's fault, and he's gonna get it real good at the station. Especially when he realizes his prisoner's been confiscated. 

"C'mon. You're riding with me." She ushers Buck out of the car and leaves a note in the back seat that reads:  **if you're gonna leave someone in the back of your squad car to stop for lunch before taking them to the HOSPITAL make sure you lock the doors next time -Athena **

She uncuffs Buck and let's him sit shotgun next to her. She buckles him into the seat securely and sighs as she gets into the drivers seat. "Your team is gonna be the death of me." 

"Sorry." Buck mumbles, head down. 

Athena gives him a funny look. He's still shaking. "Buck, I told you already. None of this is your fault. You're all gonna be fine. Bobby, Hen and Eddie are all safe at the hospital being treated as we speak. I came to see what the hell was taking Frank so long." She shakes her head in disapproval. "That man should not be a cop. Who in their right damn mind--" Athena stops to take a breathe, in order to calm herself down. Buck is still jittery; she doesn't need him thinking she's upset with him to top it all off. 

"You're gonna be ok, Buckaroo." She says, trying to keep her frustration at Frank's incompetence out of her tone. 

He's safe. None of that was real. He was just hallucinating. Nothing more. Buck keeps repeating that in his head but God, he's still so fucking incredibly high and all these negative emotions are right there at the surface and he's so overwhelmed. 

He's still shaking terribly, trying to keep it all in, and before he knows it he's sobbing uncontrollably in the front seat of the sergeants cop car. 

Athena pulls over at the side of the road, turning on her hazards. "Buck?" She turns to the young man in alarm. "Buck, hon, look at me. What's going on?" 

Buck, face in his hands, shakes his head. "I-I'm ok-kay, I'm sorry." He  _ is _ ok. He's fine now. That man isn't really here. He's in prison. He can't hurt him anymore.

"Who can't hurt you anymore?" Athena doesn't think in his current state that Buck even realizes he's said all that out loud. 

Buck's breathe hitches in his throat. "M-my dad." 

Athena's eyes go wide at the implication there. She has to physically swallow down her fury; her outraged anger is not what this boy needs right now. "Oh honey, c'mere. You're ok now, Buck, I promise." She gathers him up in her arms the way only a mother knows how, holding him as he cries into her shoulder. "Let it out, you're ok now, it's gonna be alright." Athena comforts, feeling awful that she can't do more. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


By the time Athena makes it to the hospital with Buck in tow the rest of the 118 have started to sober up with IV treatment. 

Chim, the only one who never got his hands on a brownie, is stuck with the unfortunate job of having to babysit his teammates as they recover. 

Eddie sighs in annoyance. "I feel better. When are we gonna get discharged? And where's Buck? He should've been here by now." 

"The high might be over, but the drug is still very much in your system. Gotta wait till it's flushed out completely, mister I'm gonna eat two brownies because I don't understand the concept of sharing." Chim replies sarcastically, flipping the page to his magazine. "And Athena brought Buck in like half an hour ago. They gotta do the same blood and urine tests they made you all do before giving him the treatment." He checks his phone, "Athena says they're heading over here soon." 

"He's ok?" Bobby asks. 

Chim shrugs. "Probably still baked as a cake, unlike you three, but Athena didn't say anything to the contrary, so I'm guessing he's fine." 

There's only room enough for one bed in the small room, which Bobby is occupying. Hen and Eddie are both in transport chairs--high as they were Chim hadn't been able to convince either of them to stay in their own rooms once a nurse had let it slip that the Captain had also been brought in. 

In the end an exhausted Chimney had decided it would be way easier to watch them all if they were in the same space, so he hadn't bothered fighting it. 

Athena enters the room, wheeling Buck inside, IV rolling at his side. "Make room." She warns. 

Hen whoops, "Look who finally decided to join the party." 

Buck smiles halfheartedly. "This party sucks." 

Bobby sits up in bed. The kids voice is rough, and upon closer inspection the skin around his eyes is puffy and red. Has Buck been crying? He knows Eddie had been crying at the pageant, but as soon as he'd sobered up some he'd been much better; he hadn't enjoyed losing control like that. But Chimney hadn't mentioned anything similar regarding Buck. 

"Buck? You alright, son?" Bobby asks, the concern in his voice loud and clear. 

Buck wants to nod and say he's that everything is just fine, but he can't find it in himself to lie to Bobby, whose worry is so painfully genuine. 

So he shakes his head no, his lip wobbling with the effort it's taking him not to start crying all over again, eyes wet with unshed tears. "Not really." He mumbles. 

Buck hates that his father still holds this horrifying power of fear over him, even all these years later. 

"Buck, c'mere," Bobby moves so that there's enough space on the bed for one more. 

Chim and Athena help Buck up and Bobby practically engulfs the kid in a hug. Buck buries his face into his chest and lets a few silent tears fall into the Captains hospital gown. The broken little whimpers Buck can't stop break Bobby's heart to pieces. "Shh, shhh, we're here now. You're ok." 

The others gather around anxiously. "What happened?" Eddie wants to know. 

Athena purses her lips. "I found him alone in the back of a patrol car parked behind a dinner. He must have had a bad trip." She's not going to tell everyone the whole story--it's not hers to tell, after all. But some context can't hurt. 

Hen looks at her in disbelief. "Who the hell thought that was ok?" 

Athena shakes her head. "Someone who's not gonna have a job by the end of the week, if I've got anything to say about it." She sighs, closing the distance between her and Buck. She puts a hand over his shoulder and squeezes gently. "You're with family now, Buck." Athena reassures him. 

Buck sniffles, looking up at her through long wet lashes. "Thanks for…" he doesn't say it, but she knows what he means. 

She nods, giving him another squeeze. 

If she ever crosses paths with whatever trash put his hands on Buck--well, he better pray that she doesn't. 

Bobby gives her a questioning look over Buck's head. He knows something's going on that neither of them will say out loud, but he decides not to push it for now. 

His main priority is Buck. 

Buck sits up a bit and wipes his face. "Sorry." 

Chim pats his leg. "You ate like three brownies, I'd be surprised if you didn't have a bad trip, Buckaroo." He jokes lightly. 

Buck sniffles, though he's grinning a little, "Four." He corrects. 

Chim gapes.

"Gloton (glutton)." Eddie ruffles his hair gently. 

"But you're the one who dared me." Buck squawks. 

"If I dared you to jump off a bridge, would you?" 

Buck shrugs. "I mean, what would I get if I did?" 

Hen smacks the palm of her hand to her forehead. "How are men this dumb?" 

Chim clears his throat. "Not  _ all _ of us." 

Athena scoffs. "Sure." 

Bobby pulls Buck close while the others playfully argue among each other. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" He says, low so no one else hears him. 

Buck tenses up for half a second before relaxing in his hold. "I know." 

He does know that. He trusts Bobby. He does...but. 

And that's just it. There's always going to be a  _ 'but' _ . 

Bobby's nothing like his father, he likes to remind himself, but the truth is, at some point Bobby  _ did  _ get hooked on prescription medication, and Bobby  _ did  _ have a problem with drinking--and it's not like any of it was his fault, addiction is a disease, but somewhere in the back of Buck's mind that's just one too many similarities. 

It's not all the time, but sometimes, when they're not out in the field, if the Cap says something to him, just an octave louder than he's used to, he freezes up with panic without meaning to. 

He hates the part of himself that’s still so afraid. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank ya'll for reading! :) <3
> 
> my tumblr is datleggy and at the end of nov i'll be taking prompts again !


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